Life seems to have its twists and turns and we never know how things will turn out. For most of us the sense of knowing that we have a certain handle on things helps us to navigate a more sedentary way of life. However after a while it becomes numbing in the sense that our excitement value or anticipation for anything coming becomes almost nonexistent. I have found that for most of my life I have been pretty much blah. A sense that if we were going somewhere I would be more irritated to complete things rather than this sense of excitement and elation. I have for a long time not even known what that means and I realize now it was because I was describing this sense of excitement as something else. A negative thing. Like something bad was about to happen and I needed to prepare for it somehow. Only now after much work on myself and getting to know me, I am seeing a totally different side to this feeling. A sense of not knowing is still there yes, but I realize that I am so very excited and there is a skip in my step and a smile on my face that I can’t wipe off for any reason.
How did I get to the place where I would consider this feeling inside a negative thing? Maybe because in my younger years when I had so much pain inside, I could only see the critic me and the negative side of things. Maybe because when I was young and I had my open and loving heart broken, I realized that was a dangerous thing and shut it down. Only now, the love of me goes so far beyond anyone else and this feeling that I am more loving and complete than I have ever known is allowing me to see a totally different side to these feelings. And let me tell you it feels so good.
I believe we have become a society of complacent. We have an expectation around life and if we have everything in our little boxes, life is good and complete and whole. Well I had all that and I was miserable. I was stuffing life and everything that was outside of what most consider “normal” down and locking it in my body. I have over a period of 15 years been working on delving into this locked box and am becoming more me with a sense of deeper purpose and commitment to a greater me. I know for many this sounds so “out there” however, for the ones that started this search and have been looking, I can tell you, if you direct your search inward, you too will come to know this sense of deep inner love. It radiates out like a beacon. It fills you when everything outside you can’t. There are many things outside of us that we find fulfilling, so we gravitate to those things, like charity work, volunteering, maybe teaching yoga or being in service to others in some capacity. These things are all honourable journey’s however, they are still outside of you.
I realized this past week, that my highschool boyfriend taught me many things and one of those things was running. I was so good at it. I found myself doing it in many ways unconsciously. I would want to be other places, and for me Waterloo was 19 years of my life so I didn’t have to come back to my roots. However, that is exactly what I needed to do find me. My family and my life have been perfectly orchestrated so that I may become a greater version of myself. Because that 16 year old teenager was a voice in my head for a very long time and was telling me to search for something outside. And everytime I did I realized that I felt the same old blah.
I trust that you begin to do some heart searching of your own. At first it’s a little difficult to even understand what it is that we are feeling in any moment. However, I trust that when you do, you will come to know a love that is bigger than anything you have ever known. I am no longer running from myself and ultimately my life. I am in it and feeling like this will enable me to fly. In a more metaphoric sense of the word. lol. Wouldn’t you love to fly too?
October’s schedule is attached. The only changes are Thursday mornings to 9:30 am and alternate 10:45am classes.
Here is a pdf version of the schedule. October 2017 Schedule
Monday October 9th is the only holiday recognized for Thanksgiving. Happy Tofurkey Day or any day you recognize. I am grateful for all that I have experienced this year and look forward with excitement and anticipation to the rest of the fall season.
Love and Blessings,